Building Blocks for Girls and Resourcefulness
I’ve been doing some research lately on my non-resourceful, happily stuck, and perfectionistically paralyzed girls. There are just too many of them, and I want to help. I want to help but don’t want to help more than they want help. What can I do? What can you do with your daughter to build her resourcefulness? Let’s start where resourcefulness typically starts: motivation.
Building Block #1: Motivation (Theirs)
As I was doing my research, I ran across a counseling approach called motivational interviewing. It was founded in the 80s and 90s to treat problem drinkers. In other words, it was developed to foster motivation in those who don’t necessarily have it. The theory refers to different levels of readiness and the role of the counselor in helping to direct—or, better yet, motivate the client.
“Ultimately, practitioners must recognize that motivational interviewing involves collaboration not confrontation, evocation not education, autonomy rather than authority and exploration instead of explanation.”
Sounds a bit like parenting, doesn’t it? As a parent, you will obviously need to confront, educate, and explain things to your child at times, especially in her younger years. And authority is crucial to being a safe and wise parent. But the reality is that we talk at and do things for kids way too much. In doing so, we become their resources rather teaching them to be resourceful.
Albert Einstein once said, “It’s not that I’m smart. It’s that I stay with problems longer.” He stayed with problems because he wasn’t rescued out of them. Let’s teach girls to stay with their problems. Let’s learn to motivate them by asking good questions.
What do you want to see happen?
What do you think would help?
What would you like to do about that?
What do you think God would want you to do?
What does your heart tell you?
Questions can help your daughter discover her own motivation. But once that motivation is birthed, she’ll need the confidence to carry it out.
Order a copy of Are My Kids on Track for more help with girls (and boys) and resourcefulness!