Balancing Discipline and Relationship

One of the ways that we steward and protect our kids is with discipline.  We are asked about discipline in our offices on a daily basis, and about every time we speak on parenting.  The topic of discipline generates a plethora of questions, a range of emotions, and a variety of opinions.  We often get stuck on the mechanics of disciplining kids and lose the purpose of discipline.  The Message translates Proverbs 13:24 this way, “A refusal to correct is a refusal to love;  love your children by disciplining them.”  Discipline has always been intended for teaching, shaping and protecting our kids.  The purpose of disciplining our children is to teach them as a means of loving them.  Furthermore, if discipline is designed as a means of loving our children, our posture in discipline should be one of love, not of anger.  Discipline should never be about harming or shaming our children.  

We’ve all heard the old sayings of rules without relationship lead to rebellion, and we’d say that relationship without any rules leads to kids feeling way too much power and a lack of safety.  The goal is always working toward having both in place, and parenting consistently with rules and relationship.  

Identify an area where you want to be more consistent in enforcing consequences.

Consider becoming more comfortable with saying:

“I’m ok with that not making sense to you” or “I’m comfortable with you being angry about that consequence.”  

(Excerpt from Intentional Parenting by Sissy Goff, David Thomas and Melissa Trevathan)