Mother's Day & The Gilmore Girls

As a counselor, I make a lot of recommendations to families.  One of my favorites—for mother’s and daughters, in particular, is to watch a show called the Gilmore Girls together.  It is hilarious and sweet—and speaks to the longevity and loyalty of relationship.  Lorelai is not a perfect mom, nor is Rory a perfect daughter (although she tries awfully hard).  They go through the normal ups and downs that moms and their girls (and boys) do—especially in those delightful middle school years.  But they always come back to each other. 

A college friend of mine recently wrote a beautiful blog about her mom—about their ups and downs, their loyalty, their longevity—actually their Lorelai and Rory-ness. 

In every parenting seminar we teach, we talk about how kids push away from parents.  It’s a part of growing up.  It’s a part of what they have to do in order to grow up.  It’s called individuating.  Mom’s, they often push off of you the hardest.  But they do come back.  Your love sets a foundation for that longevity.  So, this Mother’s Day week, we want you to have hope.  We want you to hang on and know that this pushing away is primarily because you are their safest person.  In Mallory’s words, “Words of apologies and forgiveness would come later, but in that moment, I just wanted to hug my mom.” 

Happy Mother’s Day from all of us at Raising Boys and Girls.  We’re grateful for you.  They are grateful for you, too—even if they don’t have the words (or awareness) to say it just yet.  They will.  And you’re doing a great job.


Lorelai and Rory Reunite

I really love it when people compare my mom and me to “Gilmore Girls”, maybe a little too much. When it happens, I laugh and pretend like I’m embarrassed, but really I’m not. I like being Rory, and I’d like for my friends to look at my mom and be reminded of Lorelai. I think we are a good duo, and it’s fun putting on a show of quick jokes and punchy one-liners when others are around. Mom talks of yoga and Tom Cruise and I hit back with theatre and Harry Potter. It works.

During my junior year of high school, my mom and I hit a rough patch. I remember thinking that we weren’t going to be Lorelai and Rory anymore. I remember sending my mom a very rude text saying that “maybe it’d be better if we weren’t Lorelai and Rory” (Mom, I don’t know if you remember that, but I spent a very long time crafting that text, so I do).

Now, if you have any “Gilmore Girls” knowledge, you know that Lorelai and Rory didn’t speak for the majority of Season Six. It was awful and the reason that my mom and I usually skip over it. However, in the midst of a lost season of Luke’s daughter (side note: what the heck was that all about?), there is a hidden gem and my favorite moment from the series: Lorelai and Rory’s reunion. It’s a beautiful and happy and tragic and the reason I was eventually able to get over myself and start to be the Rory to my mom’s Lorelai again.

In the scene, Lorelai and Rory share the best hug in TV history. I’m going to be very bold but also very correct in saying that the hug that my mom and I shared during my junior year kicked Lorelai and Rory’s in the butt. It happened in a hospital, and a whole lot was said without any words. Words of apologies and forgiveness would come later, but in that moment, I just wanted to hug my mom.

It took a big God to get me to set my pride aside, and thank goodness that’s what I have. I remember saying that things would never be the same between my mom and me. I remember not being able to stand to be in the same room as her. I couldn’t have done that. I am too stubborn, too broken, too set in my ways. I have never been more convinced of the reality of God than I am in regards to the healing of my relationship with my mom. As great as we are (we’re pretty awesome), we couldn’t do anything to fix our relationship. God didn’t even bother fixing what was broken. He just made it new.

So, Mom, thanks for being my Lorelai.

Everyone do yourself a favor and watch Lorelai and Rory reunite. Guaranteed to make you cry if you’ve ever needed forgiveness and your mom’s arms around you…