Q&A Thursday: How do I teach my kids to self regulate their emotions?

QUESTION:

We recently attended your Intentional Parenting Conference. My husband and I thoroughly enjoyed it and learned quite a bit!! Thank you for that! 

 We have 3 children (2 boys and a girl) and my youngest is by far the most challenging. One problem I have is, after I have thrown down the gauntlet, ex. "Go to your room", my son will refuse or fall to the floor and throw a fit.

        Do I pick him up, arms and legs flying and put him in his room? If after I put him there, do I stand at the door and hold it closed?

ANSWER:

I am certain that there are dozens of people reading this question, shaking their head in agreement and saying some version of “YES!  That happens to me too.”  It’s a great question, and we will inevitably find ourselves in a power struggle with a child who won’t follow through with a consequence we’ve delivered.   A helpful question to ask yourself is “can I enforce that?”  We are advocates of only giving kids consequences we can easily enforce.  For example, rather than saying “you were disrespectful, hand me your cell phone.”   Only to have a child hold it behind their back and say “you can’t take that from me, I bought with my birthday money.”   Your options at this point are to restate the consequence ten more times or start reaching for it behind their back - neither are good choices.  

 A better option would be to say “you were disrespectful and I’m going to log on to AT & T in a few minutes and shut your phone down. READ MORE

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