Episode 422: Managing Emotions in Capable Kids with David and Sissy
The episode moves the Capable series from strengths to skills, which are things kids have to be taught and practice, like tying their shoes. Managing emotions comes first. Sissy and David ask parents to notice their own reflex when a child is upset. Are they a fixer, a matcher, a minimizer, or a regulator? They point to research on co-regulation showing that kids borrow an adult’s steadiness before they can calm themselves. From there they walk through the steps: name the feeling (“name it to tame it”), validate it without approving the behavior, and skip the lecture while a child’s “downstairs brain” is in charge. A code word chosen ahead of time and a family list of 20 calming strategies both help. One memorable example is a fifth grader who prayed through the alphabet to fall asleep. The episode ends with a “try this at home” challenge for parents to notice their own patterns and to ask their kids, “What helps your feelings not feel quite so big?”
Here is a transcript for episode 422.
Resources mentioned:
Strong and Smart by David Thomas
I Am Capable by David Thomas and Sissy Goff
The Daystar Dog series by David Thomas and Sissy Goff
Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson’s “upstairs and downstairs brain” model
A meta-analysis of 53 studies linking parents’ emotion regulation to their children’s
A brain imaging study on affect labeling (naming an emotion lowered activity in the amygdala)
. . . . . .
Sign up to receive the bi-monthly newsletter to keep up to date with where David and Sissy are speaking, where they are taco'ing, PLUS conversation starters for you and your family to share!
Order our new book, Capable, here!!
See our speaking dates, purchase books and check out our courses here.
. . . . . .
If you would like to partner with Raising Boys and Girls as a podcast sponsor, fill out our Advertise With Us form.
BOLL & BRANCH: Get 15% off plus free shipping on your first set of sheets at Bollandbranch.com/rbg. Exclusions apply.
QUINCE: Go to Quince.com/rbg for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.
AG1: Go to DrinkAG.com/RBG and get a free Immune Support Bundle, including a bottle of Omega-3 fish oil and a bottle of Vitamin D3K2, with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro.
CHRISTIAN HEALTHSHARE MINISTRIES: Take charge of your healthcare by visiting chministries.org/solution.