Episode 426: Dealing with Disappointment and Failure in Capable Kids with David and Sissy
The episode opens with a quick “first instinct” test for parents and Sissy’s story of not making the sixth-grade cheerleading squad. Her mom let her be sad instead of fixing it, and that disappointment led Sissy to the leadership and mentoring that shaped her career. Drawing on growth-mindset and productive-failure research, Sissy and David explain that struggle helps kids learn, but only when we engage with the mistake instead of rescuing them too early. They suggest two questions for parents: “Is my child unsafe or just uncomfortable?” and “Whose disappointment is this?” They also share practical steps: show empathy before teaching the lesson, praise the process, help kids “fail forward,” and let your kids see you fail. The episode ends on “the power of yet,” including the “yet” of Lamentations 3. They give parents a simple framework to try this week (feel, reflect, move) and a set of questions to ask kids at dinner or in the car.
Here is a transcript for episode 426.
Resources mentioned:
Capable by Sissy Goff and David Thomas
Manu Kapur’s research on productive failure (struggle first, instruction afterward)
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